4evacraze

picking up the phone looking at a familiar name msg me… ‘my grandma is in critical period, she might be leaving soon but i cant go back to c her… very sad’

having known tis fren for quite some time, i was actually speechless.. not good in my words i replied her… trying my very best to say the rite thing…

tis msg tat came n the rain tat was pouring out there… made me look back into an old memory… a memory i was too young to feel too sad bout it until now it make me wonder how if she was still alive…. a memory of my own grandma passing away… i have not have any grandparents since young… all have pass away except for my grandma.. as much as i know she loves me very much.. i love it when christmas comes n we all would go back to her house n under the big christmas tree r all our presents from our relatives…. n everyone would gather on christmas eve n open the presents together… its so much fun then… but after she had gone.. we never spend a christmas together anymore….

i can remember tat she pass away when i was in my primary 4 or 5.. we had to rush back hometown becoz she was in her critical period.. daddy they all were in the hospital tat nite n i was resting at home.. the next morning everyone acted normal.. until suddenly my cousin sis picked up a call…. after she put down the phone she couldn’t talk.. she was crying so badly tat everyone knows wat had happened.. i never even c her for the last time… in fact for a long time i haven’t seen her… coz my parents wont bring me to the hospital when they go visit her…

the only day i remember was tat we were having the funeral service.. the time when they wanna close the coffin n nail it…. it was the worst sound i ever heard…. every each time they hit the nail into the coffin…….. my heart juz sank… another hit juz make it worst… it felt like a thousand minutes going on.. everything were in slow motion.. n another hit…..  the feeling was so clear till today i couldn’t get the image out of my head…

the last day we went to the cemetery.. when the coffin is being slowly placed into the hole…. the rain started falling.. one thing my uncle said made me remember till today.. n maybe tat is wat makes me today.. wat made me how i feel towards rainny day….. he said.. “dun have to cry anymore… God is crying for us…” he knows how we feel… n he is more upset than us seeing us cry… or  maybe he wan us to feel better so he cry for our behalf… or he juz wan the make the weather cooler for us…… i dunno… but till now… it has always make me have stronger feelings on rainny day… memories keep pouring during rainny days…

~ r u sad? maybe its crying for u now… ~